Pittsburgh Penguins Themed Costumes for Halloween 2015


Ah, Halloween. One of the most wonderful times of year for the “aesthetically-inclined” (aka gorgeous people), who can rock essentially whatever they want and still be the envy of literally everyone that sees them. For the rest of us however, we are put in a difficult position: how on earth are we supposed to impress cute people in class/at work, and bodacious individuals at the bar/club without the body and jaw line of a Greek god/goddess?

The expectation of us of course, is to come up with a brilliant costume, that is all of wildly hilarious, witty and fun, while also maintaining some level of abstract sexual appeal. And how exactly are we supposed to come up with this incredible costume idea? An inside joke with friends or something trending in the news, or near/dear to our heart or totally off the map? There’s so much gray area, most of us struggle for days, weeks, months, even years trying to concoct the perfect costume (in my personal experience anyway).

This is where I am hoping to come in and help you out. Obviously Halloween is only quite literally one day away, but I only just got this writing gig, so unfortunately that’s all the time we’ve got. What I’m proposing are Pittsburgh Penguins-themed costume ideas that are sure to have people (metaphorically) crawling all over you all day/night. Nothing cooler than a costume you got from a relatively obscure sports blog site, written by a guy with little-no experience with clever costume ideas, right? (My best ever: Dustpan Man, a fictional superhero that cleans the streets of villainous scum; safe to say I had trouble with my seduction tactics that night).

So here we go, my top Pittsburgh Penguins themed Halloween costumes, that not only will have you feeling, cool, comfortable and confident (The 3 Unachievable C’s as I call them), but also have YOU being by those around you:

1) Super Duper: pretty self-explanatory, a fictional (kind of) superhero Super Duper, based off the incredible and awe-inspiring Pascal Dupuis. Not only is he super cool and good at hockey, but he’s fought off a pulmonary embolism?? Try and tell me people won’t find that sexy with a straight face, I dare you. What You’ll Need: Black tights, yellow/gold shirt with the SuperMan logo drawn on the front, and Super Duper written on the back, black cape, mask, pair of mini sticks on your utility belt

2) Rob Scuderi: probably one of the most disliked people in Pittsburgh (why is it that every time something unlucky happens to him, like the goal in Washington last night, do I feel like he did it intentionally, and hate him that much more?), so you might think it’s a risky play. But I assure you, mock him in just the right way, and people will love it. What You’ll Need: Hospital gown, name tag (with Rob Scuderi, not your name), gray wig, old man makeup, preferably a personal nurse carrying around a bedpan with you periodically asking you if you need to make “boom-boom” again, talking about the good ol days of reliable defense and how kids these days are too damn offensive and skilled, immediately throwing anything people give you to the other side of the room, rather than doing the smart, logical thing with them.

3) Crazy Pittsburgh Baby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugCZShiNIZw What a cutie eh? Naw I’m just messing, that kid’s a freak. But he does make for a potentially great costume. What You’ll Need: Pittsburgh Penguins onesie, soother, shave your head, and anytime anything cool happens all day/night, freak out a la this freaky kid. Bonus points if you use baby talk all day

4) Group Costume: Consol Energy Center Crowd: notorious for being one of the worst collections of fans known to man-kind, it makes for a great, if potentially expensive group costume. What You’ll Need: 3-8 people, dressed in suits with some kind of minor semblance that you’re a Pittsburgh fan (cufflinks, subtle tie or pin), make super general comments about the Penguins (“Did you know that Malkin is actually Russian?”, “Oh yes, that explains why he is so lackadaisical and inconsistent!), complain that it’s too damn noisy and you can’t concentrate on replying to work emails, and make sure you leave whatever event you’re at before it finishes so you can get enough sleep before work tomorrow.

Now I certainly can’t guarantee per se that these costumes will be a major hit at your Halloween parties this year. However, I am confident in vowing that there is quite literally a 100% chance that they will be a foremost sensation at your late-October themed events!

Happy trick or treating!

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