Pittsburgh sports are in the doldrums right now. The Penguins are on their way to a lottery pick, the Pirates exist, and the Steelers are closing in on making a 41 year-old Aaron Rodgers their quarterback.
I believe there's an easy fix for the Steelers, though, and he sits right across the river in the business district.
He is score. He is our next Ben Roethlisberger. He is Evgeni Malkin.
Malkin's Profile
Geno stands at 6'5" 210lbs, and although he's slightly underweight for his height to make a perfect comparison with the likes of Big Ben or Josh Allen, he is far from a twig.
All hockey players have tree trunks for legs, and Malkin is no exception. He's got a great center of gravity and would be a great pocket passer, going through his progressions and not rolling out at the first sign of danger like Kenny Pickett once did.
And don't think for a second that Geno couldn't lay the boom on a defensive back if it came to that. Geno can still lay the hit stick, especially when he gets fired up.
Why it just makes sense
Here's the thing about Pittsburgh you have to understand if you're not from here: when you play one team, you play the whole city.
There is not a single North American city whose professional sports teams all don the same colors. In Pittsburgh, it's black and gold or nothing.
The continuity that comes with putting Geno in a Steelers jersey just makes too much sense. Here's your proof.
Why the Steelers have to do it
Let me ask you, insightful reader, would you rather have a fossilized Aaron Rodgers who's been in the NFL the same amount of time Sidney Crosby has been in the NHL?
OR...would you rather have a Pittsburgh icon that could totally profile as a bridge quarterback for a team with the likes of DK Metcalf and hopefully another young wide receiver and runningback to be taken in the draft?
There's one answer, and it lies with Malkin's self-proclaimed nickname: He is score.
The Steelers down the stretch last season put up the same amount of points as Ryan Graves this year. They could not score.
Is Aaron Rodgers score? No. Is Russell Wilson score? Absolutely not.
There is only one score. It's Geno.
The Vision
I can already see it now. The three-time Stanley Cup champion with the ball in his hands as the final seconds tick down in the Super Bowl. The Eagles defense is bending like an ill-placed plastic straw and Malkin has the ball down to the Philadelphia 25 yard line.
He takes the high snap from Zach Frazier, looks left to George Pickens, pump fakes, then rolls to his right. He sees Metcalf coming open as Cooper DeJean stumbles momentarily on the turf.
Geno rears back his arm to throw, but the throw doesn't come. It's another pump fake...just like Big Ben taught him.
He gets Zach Baun in the air and lowers his shoulder, bulldozing his way down inside the 10. There's one man to beat, it's Quinyon Mitchell.
Harkening back to the greatest spin-o-rama, bar-down goal in the history of the NHL, Malkin does it again.
He pivots like a ballerina, gets Mitchell to bite, and hits him with the spin cycle, diving towards the goal line.
Touchdown Steelers. Touchdown Geno. After all these years, Malkin finally has something Sidney Crosby does not - a Super Bowl ring.
The Steelers wins their 7th Super Bowl on the back of 71. Pittsburgh rejoices, atop the NFL world once again.
I have had this epiphany. It is written in the stars. Begin placing your bets now. Stillers gahnta Super Bowl.
The next Steelers legend is right next door. Malkin - only one!
P.S. I hope Alex Nedeljkovic is happy with Kenny Pickett. Cleveland Browns slime.